Friday, October 31, 2008

More fun with internists

What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.

--Mark Twain

I just came back from the doctor and boy are my arms tired!

Well, one arm. It's sore.

I stopped being a dumbass and got a flu shot.

I also discussed the results of my bloodwork with my doctor. My internist is a professional which means he didn't jump up and down and make AAAOOOGAH! noises at me. Instead, he said, "Yeah, your triglycerides are really high. You're gonna have to make some changes."

Good news: I'm not diabetic and I don't have kidney disease.

Bad news: I can never do anything fun again as long as I live.

Basically, I've got a bad case of "Being Almost 40". My metabolism has changed and I'm paying for my earlier wicked ways. So, it's back to:

  • Taking the stairs instead of the elevator
  • Cutting sweets (nearly) completely out of my diet
  • Pretending I don't like eggs or ice cream
  • Imagining that eating fresh fruit is like a rock concert on the moon with fireworks and trained sharks and the cast of Firefly.

OK, it's not all that bad. My doctor said, "I've got a big book with lots of details and pages but here's the one I give to guys." He handed me a single sheet of paper. One side lists the foods I am 'strongly encouraged' to eat. The other one lists the ones I should avoid. It's all common-sense stuff for the most part but there are some things I wasn't aware of. Like the fact that avocados are Satan's death fruits.

So, I'll follow the instructions and get exercise and do all the stuff you're supposed to do and when I go back in a couple of months I'll let you know about my progress.

A question to any doctors reading this: When you make recommendations to your patients, what are your expectations that they will follow them?

I plan to stick to the new diet because the number on that paper scared the hell out of me. I'll keep you posted as to how I'm doing.

. .


Joy said...

You were supposed to call me and let me know, so call when you can. First the triglycerides and then if you don't get them LOW, the blood pressure and blood glucose readings. And you're on your way to insulin resistance and diabetes. So head it off at the pass! Let me be another example of what not to do. Hey, you're still married!

Changing your diet and exercising will work wonders. Just stick with it. You can do it!

Joy said...

Oops, just checked my caller-ID and noticed that you did call yesterday afternoon while I was at CWHS and then Kroger. Sorry! Never mind.

But call when you get a chance. :-)